You're a womanizer and a bitch.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize