i don't like sucking hair
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
