All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do herpes really smell.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
