the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
