I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
