I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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