Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
