More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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