Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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