I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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