ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
