I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
