If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
