does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
