Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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