the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
