I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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