I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
