I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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