too bad you live with your parents still
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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