I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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