I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
