I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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