any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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