My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
