I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
