I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
