No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
where does the pee come out of this thing
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
