I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
