Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
