Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
