your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
