I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You need Xanax blowdarts
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
