friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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