NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
