The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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