sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
