i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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