there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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