Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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