I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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