Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize