I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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