ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize