things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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