Can Purell be used as lube?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
