pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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