I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
