I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
