If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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