Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
