I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
