Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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