You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
