Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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