is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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