if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
