i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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