how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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