dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
