tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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