so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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