I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
