We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
