i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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