I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
