apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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