Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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