This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize