Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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